lego ice cream truck

Well, the ice cream truck stopped for these (Lego) people.

Dear Crabby,

The ice cream truck won’t drive down my street.

Admittedly, he or she did once early in the summer, but the driver drove way too fast for me to catch up despite my running (awkwardly) down the street, waving my money as only a middle-aged lady could do.

It wasn’t actually a truck but a white SUV, but it was playing that unmistakable “Do Your Ears Hang Low?” song that can only mean one thing, except in Taiwan where the GARBAGE AND RECYCLING TRUCKS play that tune so people will know to go out to the curb and throw their trash and recycling away. (Imagine how disappointed an ice cream lover like me was!)

Do you think I scared the driver off, or maybe he or she sees my street as unprofitable somehow?

Sincerely,

Guess I’ll Just Have to Drive to La Michoacana

Dear Guess,

Before we get started, I’d like to stop and examine the last clause of your very long second sentence: “waving my money as only a middle-aged lady could do.”

What could you possibly mean by that? What specific method of money-waving can only be performed by middle-aged ladies?

The mind reels.

Anyway, I don’t know why the ice cream truck skips your street. They don’t come to mine, either. But in that case, I know why. My street is a minor arterial with a lot of traffic and no street parking. They can’t pull over, even if someone were to flag them down.

If you live on a quieter, residential street, it might just be because of your particular ice cream truck driver’s idiosyncratic habits. Maybe their ex lives on that street. Maybe they got a ticket there once. Who knows?

None of this matters anyway, of course, because — and I want to put this as delicately and tactfully as possible — it’s been a good long while since I’ve heard anything as rock-dumb as a grown adult complaining the ice cream truck didn’t stop for them. You know those are for kids, right? The whole concept is built on bringing ice cream to people who need ice cream brought to them. Kids need ice cream trucks because kids can’t just go get ice cream.

Know who can? You. You’re clearly aware that ice cream exists in non-mobile retail settings. (Just look at the pseudonym you chose.) The ice cream stores and supermarkets cannot drive away from you. They’re just there. And you can go inside them and buy ice cream any time you want.

There are many difficult and painful things about being an adult — backaches, debt, the knowledge that no matter how fast we run we cannot escape the looming specter of our mortality; we will die, likely alone — but one good thing is that we can get into our cars whenever we want, drive to the store and buy some delicious ice cream. We don’t even need to wave our money. We just hand it to the clerk.

Hope that helps.

Sincerely,

Crabby

Reach Pat Muir at pmuir@yakimaherald.com.