I have friends who are getting married. They are planning a very nice party for family and friends and are putting a lot of money into it to make it unforgettable.
Only about a third of the guests have RSVP’d. I know it’s hard. People forget. But my friends have made it extremely easy. All you have to do is go to their wedding website and type in “yes” or “no” and how many guests. It takes minutes, if that long.
Also, their invite clearly states it will be an adults-only celebration. They have nothing against kids but thought it would be more enjoyable for everyone involved if no one was having to keep track of their children. Also, the guest list numbers would dramatically increase if everyone brought their kids, which means the cost would go up.
They have been surprised by how many people have called and asked if they can bring their kids, and how many people say they won’t come if they can’t bring their kids. Do you think they should be able to invite who they want, or do you think they’re selfish for only wanting adults there?
It’s a Wedding not a Daycare
Dear It’s a Wedding,
The official position of The Dear Crabby Desk (a division of Dear Crabby Enterprises, a subsidiary of the CrabCo, the world’s leading manufacturer of ill-tempered advice) is that anyone can and should do whatever they want for their own wedding.
You want kids there? Fine. You don’t? Fine. It’s your wedding; you make the rules. It’s as simple as that.
That said, when you bar kids from attending, you’re going to lose a few grownups, too. I’m surprised your friends are surprised by that. It’s not that those people “won’t come if they can’t bring their kids” as you wrote; it’s that they can’t.
Presumably some of the invitees are close friends or family from out of town. Those people are faced with the choice of leaving their kids at home for a whole weekend or bringing the kids with them and finding a babysitter in a strange town for the day of the event. Neither of those things is easy, and if the kids are very young, can be nearly impossible.
I’m not arguing in favor of your friends caving on this — recall the “do whatever they want” edict up top — but they do need to acknowledge the effects of their decision.
As for the tardy RSVP thing, that’s just standard. My wife and I had to send group reminders. When there were still stragglers, we sent individual reminders. We felt like process servers hunting down deadbeats.
But dealing with that is one of about a million annoying things you have to do in the run-up to your wedding. That’s why, when the big day comes, it should be exactly how the couple wants it to be.
Hope that helps.