It’s finally happened. After decades of feeding the snack needs of America, Hostess Brands is shutting down.
The Associated Press began reporting the story this afternoon. Now, in all likelihood, Ding Dongs, Ho Ho’s and Twinkies will be picked up by some other company and live on under a new brand. But can we take a moment to pause and reflect on what would happen if the Hostess products don’t get bought up?
That would mean that in 10 years, when my child is in the midst of adolescents and his daddy and I sit him down to watch “Ghostbusters” on Halloween, he won’t have any idea what Egon is talking about when he compares the telekentic energy in New York to everyone’s favorite yellow snackcake. “Now that’s a big Twinkie,” Winston will say. And TJ and I will sigh knowingly, and our kid will ask us, “What’s a Twinkie?”
Or there’s “Die Hard” — when the Sgt. Al Powell picks up a pile of snack cakes for his pregnant wife (before having to deal with all those pesky terrorists).
And think of Twinkie’s place in surviving the various apocalypses that have plagued our nation: “Zombieland” and Tallahasee’s quest for the last Twinkies; “Family Guy” and their efforts to rebuild society in the shadow of the Twinkie factory. How will we survive the end of the world if we don’t have cream-filled snack cakes to get us by?
Twinkie’s ability to withstand natural — and at times, supernatural — forces is legendary. Even horrible movies have made the nod: Like the guy in “Ghostrider 2” whose touch rots everything, but can’t decompose a Twinkie.
Now, true confessions, I don’t actually like Twinkies. But TJ did make me pick up a box at the store today, just in case. He hinted that perhapd he wouldn’t open them and instead try to sell them on the black market. And that would be fine. Because they are just so horrible for you.
But I will mourn the loss of the easy joke.
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